all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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