Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
