He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
