Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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