All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
