What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize