She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
