I skipped work to stalk him.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
