When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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