Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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