Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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