Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
