sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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