The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
