he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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