Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
