one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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