my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who died my cat blue again?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
