I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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