im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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