idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
