i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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