Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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