We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
