I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
