You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
