Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
