We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
