This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
