My liver just broke up with me...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
