so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
