his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
