im six kinds of drunk right now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Enjoy the penises
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
