I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
