The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
