I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
