and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
