I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
