I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
