she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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