I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
