Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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