at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
