we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
