You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
