it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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