So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
