Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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