You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's always time for handjobs
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
