Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
