he shaved USA in his pubs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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