I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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