Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no, he came in my armpit
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
