Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
