I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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