dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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