Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
