so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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