I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
