Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
