Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
