last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
