Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
