if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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