Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
