Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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