a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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