Plan B is the new Plan A
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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