The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
