TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
