this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
