I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
