I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
