so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
