Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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