I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
