I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
