normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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