it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
