honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
