You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
