i always forget guys have bellybuttons
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
